Thursday, January 30, 2014

Having the death talk with your child.


Whatever your religious beliefs may be, death means the loss of a living being. It is the absence of a physical presence. It is also a time of great sadness and mourning for you and your children. It is important to help children accept the realities of death; to understand the loss and be able to grieve. When you protect children from the sadness of death, you deny them opportunities to share their feelings and receive much needed support. Sharing feelings helps everyone.

Dr. Earl A. Grollman in his book, ‘Explaining Death to Children’, states that “death may be made more comprehensible by explaining it in terms of the absence of familiar life functions - when people die they do not breathe, eat, talk, think, or feel any more; when dogs die they do not bark or run anymore; dead flowers do not grow or bloom anymore.” He points out that “some children confuse death with sleep; particularly if they hear adults refer to death with one of the many euphemisms for sleep - “eternal rest”, “rest in peace.” As a result of the confusion, a child may become afraid of going to bed or of taking naps. Grandma went “to sleep” and hasn’t gotten up yet. Maybe I won’t wake up either.

Should Children Attend Funerals?

Funerals serve a valuable function. Every society has some form of funeral ceremony to help the living acknowledge, accept and cope with the loss of a loved one. Whether or not a particular child should be included again depends on the child and their maturity. If the child is old enough to understand and wants to participate, being included may help them accept the reality of the death while in the compassionate company of family and friends.

If a child is to attend a funeral, they should be prepared for what they will hear and see before, during, and after the services. They should be aware that on such a sad occasion people will be expressing their bereavement in various ways and that many will be crying. If the child prefers not to attend the funeral, they must not be coerced or made to feel guilty. 



Here are ten things to consider:


1. Talking about death is easier when a child feels that they have our approval to talk about it and they believe that we are interested in their views and questions. Encourage children to communicate before a death occurs and answer whatever questions they may have, appropriate to their age level. 

2. Each child is at a different age and maturity level. Communication about death depends on their physical age and life experiences. 

3. If the child is very young, they may view death as temporary, and fears may arise about being separated from their loved ones more than about death itself. 

4. It is not always easy to understand what a child is really asking. Sometimes it may be necessary to respond to a question to clarify the child’s concern. Don’t elaborate about the entire death process if the child is asking a simple question like “Where did Grandpa go?” 

5. A very young child can comprehend only small amounts of information. Answers need to be brief, simple, to the point and repeated if necessary. Sometimes young children are just confused about life and death in general and need to process what happened. 

6. A child often feels guilty and angry when they lose a close family member, especially a sibling. They need reassurance that they are loved and cared for and that death is not predicated on poor behavior or bad decisions. 

7. A child may need to mourn a loved one on and off in different ways until they become an adolescent and they understand death in a way that makes sense to them. 

8. They will always need support and acceptance through the grieving process. They need to be given permission to show their feelings openly. 

9. Whether a child should attend a funeral depends on their age, their ability to understand death and their relationship with the deceased. 

10. Children should always be asked if they wish to participate in the funeral or memorial. If they choose to attend a funeral, prepare them in advance for what they will hear and see. 


Have the talk about death with your children.

I’ve found that it’s easier to talk about death with children before a death occurs, when we are not emotionally involved. Take the opportunity to talk to children about dead flowers, trees, insects, or birds. Children should not be made to feel guilty or embarrassed about their curiosity about death. Their interest will open the door to a discussion that all living things die and in this way make room for new living things to take their place on earth.

It’s the circle of life.

Nancy Burban 2014


Funeral fund

16 comments:

  1. I agree with you, Nancy. Talking to children about death in the abstract moment, and (fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) here in the Redwood forest, there are many "dead" beings to thoughtfully inspect with kids. Road kill abounds, not to mention that all-too-common, yet very mysterious, perfectly intact squirrel that seemed to plummet to his or her death while crossing a wire. Many benign examples of death surround us in this amazing classroom we call "life" (even in the big cities and suburbs)...which can prepare our children for the not-so-benign losses they will need to accept as they grow. Thanks for another fine post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  2. Thank you so much! I enjoy your writing as well dear friend!

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  9. Hi everyone, I'm so excited.
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    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey guys,
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    ReplyDelete
  11. My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for almost 4 years. We have a son that just turned 4. We got together and married young, I am 33 and he is 40. Over the years we have had many issues, including infidelity, a 6 month separation, and he said to me he wanted to get a divorce many times. I don’t necessarily have an issue getting over the past, it is his continued present behavior that keeps me wondering if he will ever change, ever mature, or be the husband and father I need him to be. he filed for divorce August 2014, but i refused to sign the papers coz i love him so much. I allowed the case to be dismissed, maybe to see if he will ever change. I have so many doubts and I am not sure which way to turn. I can not invest 100% into this marriage because I was so afraid to be disappointed all over again. I am afraid he has be cheating on me, I love him, but there are definitely no romantic feelings toward him, the feelings that made me fall in love with him in the first place. I felt so comfortable with him in my life, he makes me laugh, he’s playful, caring and attentive, on the other hand he has an anger problem, is negative, can be immature most of the time, argues with me constantly, and I don’t trust him. coz he use to cheat on me, i love my husband so much and also i want to save my marriage from divorce. so i cry to a friend of my, who told me to warp my tears, that there is a solution to my problem. so she introduce to me Dr happy a real spell caster that help to fight, stop marriage divorce and relationship problem also get ex back. so i give him a try and with-in 2day my problem with my husband was solve and ok, me and my husband and family and happily living great all thank to Dr happy you can reach him on happylovespell2@gmail.com or still call and Whats-pp him on +2348133873774 about his service and web site: http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ Thanks Sandra Katie from Usa California

    ReplyDelete
  12. i just want to say a big thank you to Dr Ahmed for what he has done for me,he brought back the man i loved and cherish with all my heart, A man who left me for another woman for good 3 years,with 2 kids,i just decided to check some spell caster’s but all kept deceiving me,until i met Dr Ahmed, who told me everything will be over .until he told me that my husband will be back in 2 days time,am so grateful today that my husband is back to me and we are happy and he always wanna be by my side,i will advice you people not to fall in the wrong hands but to contact Dr Ahmed who is trustworthy and straight forward,you can contact him via email ahmedspelltemple@gmail.com +2348106275140 IF YOU ALSO NEED SOLUTION IN THE FOLLOWING PROBLEM,CONTACT HIM AS WELL.
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    ReplyDelete
  13. Good day,,,,
    Read my testimony!!! Getting ex back after a breakup. Am Cora L. Sanchez 30 from UK, my boyfriend of a 2year just broke up with me and am 28 weeks pregnant. I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again. Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes, my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy, he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along. He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot. After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change. I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with. I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe. He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy, he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy. i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 22 hours later, my boyfriend came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good day,,,,
    Read my testimony!!! Getting ex back after a breakup. Am Cora L. Sanchez 30 from UK, my boyfriend of a 2year just broke up with me and am 28 weeks pregnant. I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again. Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes, my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy, he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along. He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot. After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change. I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with. I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe. He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy, he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy. i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 22 hours later, my boyfriend came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my boyfriend are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. HOW I GET WINNING LOTTERY SPELL NUMBERS WITH THE GREAT HELP BY DR. SAMBO !!!!

    My name is Eric Robert i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you, The best thing that has ever happened in my life is how i won the lottery. I am a man who believe that one day i will win the lottery.finally my dreams came through when i email Dr Sambo. and told him i need the lottery numbers. i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never knew that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell, so i decided to give him a try.I contacted this man and he did a spell and he gave me the winning lottery numbers. But believe me when the draws were out i was among winners. i won 107,932,603.20 million Dollar. Dr. Sambo truly you are the best, with these man you can win millions of money through lottery. i am so very happy to meet these man, i will forever be grateful to you. Email him for your own winning lottery numbers,

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    Thank you for your time bye.

    ReplyDelete

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